Chapter 1: Where Our Hero Stops Worrying and Learns to Love Inanities

As a much needed burst of optimism, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT! In keeping with the self-congratulatory tone that we’ve already set, here are some of my most recent thoughts and some vitals for the SoK. I think this will be a regular contribution. Feel free to add/subtract.

Numbers
Number of Couches Slept on/Number of States (or Districts) in which they lie: 4/3
Miles Logged: 950
Fathers seen on Father’s Day: 4
Fathers hugged on Father’s Day: 2
Hot Dog vendors surveyed in my statistical analysis of downtown dogs: 1
Times SoK intellectual property was hijacked by the Liberal Media: 1 (new issue of the Onion, new American motto: U.S. Fever—Catch It!)

Status Report
Bird: Wet
Cigarette Habit: Excessive
Hair: Semi-ruly
Stubble: Shorn
Shirts: Pressed, Medium Starch
Socks: Not matching

Preferences
I prefer drinking water from Styrofoam cups to drinking from plastic cups, I’m currently more into Malkmus lyrics over guitar work; I prefer a thinner Michael Moore and a heavier Jamie Priestly. I’ve gotten over my disdain for diet soft drinks.

I currently dislike bacteria, dentists, when albums are referred to as ‘uneven’ and when basketball players referred to as ‘long’. I currently love Mike and Slang’s posts, Mormon basketball protégés, hyphens, run-on sentences, non-sequiturs, and full-figured women. Preach.