BITTERNESS
Apparently I suck doggie teats. That's what my coworker and sometimes friend Matt Tyson (the Mattador) just informed me via Instant Messenger. He also composed the following post in another blog that deserves burn in the SoK. This one goes out to all you worker drones courtesy of Matt....
Every morning it's the same thing - bitterness. Bitterness such that I can't even stomach it.
The kind of hatred that comes from carelessness.
The evidence of clueless attempts to do good by the whole office wasted in a black sea of disgust.
You can smell it in the air and strangely, everyone handles the situation the exact same way.
Acceptance that becomes apathy.
I generally never partake, usually opting for the cool and refreshing way out of the morning malady.
But some days - sometimes - I just have to join in.
Today is one of those days.
So I got myself collected, woke up as best I could, prayed for the best and expected the worst, and I headed straight for the temple of bitter. I had hoped to find emptiness upon reaching my destination, that perhaps some God of the Workplace had seen my situation from up above and was looking out for me, helping me to avoid diving headfirst into the overly putrid land of percolating sludge. Instead I saw immediately that others had already left their mark. The seeds of bitterness were bubbling and boiling - black hate already filling the temple - steam rising. I stood and watched the hell unfold before my eyes.
I needed this cup of coffee though, and I would fight through the pain.
Normally I take my coffee black, that is to say when it is not prepared by demons without taste buds.
Today would be an exception.
I can not stomach Half and Half, thus I opted for Skim Milk...knowing full well this meant I'd need to venture into previously un-charted milk/coffee mixing territory.
Filling my cup to about the 3/4 mark with the Black Death, I then proceeded to add the lightening agent.
A taste...gag!
I poured some of the foulness out and re-poured more milk.
Sunshine.
I had finally found the right mixture. Bliss...caffeine bliss and gorgeousness.
Wide awake I set out to share my harrowing tale with the rest of the office so that others may learn from it.
---
Epilogue - I do not care to have coffee every morning, I'm fine with my bottle of water. Some rare days I do need it, and those times are dark and bitter indeed. However, I do have the same coffee maker at home and a good rule of thumb to pass around is "however many cups you are making, use one less tablespoon of ground coffee". For example, 10 cups of water - 9 tablespoons ground coffee. This generally makes a very nice pot.
Every morning it's the same thing - bitterness. Bitterness such that I can't even stomach it.
The kind of hatred that comes from carelessness.
The evidence of clueless attempts to do good by the whole office wasted in a black sea of disgust.
You can smell it in the air and strangely, everyone handles the situation the exact same way.
Acceptance that becomes apathy.
I generally never partake, usually opting for the cool and refreshing way out of the morning malady.
But some days - sometimes - I just have to join in.
Today is one of those days.
So I got myself collected, woke up as best I could, prayed for the best and expected the worst, and I headed straight for the temple of bitter. I had hoped to find emptiness upon reaching my destination, that perhaps some God of the Workplace had seen my situation from up above and was looking out for me, helping me to avoid diving headfirst into the overly putrid land of percolating sludge. Instead I saw immediately that others had already left their mark. The seeds of bitterness were bubbling and boiling - black hate already filling the temple - steam rising. I stood and watched the hell unfold before my eyes.
I needed this cup of coffee though, and I would fight through the pain.
Normally I take my coffee black, that is to say when it is not prepared by demons without taste buds.
Today would be an exception.
I can not stomach Half and Half, thus I opted for Skim Milk...knowing full well this meant I'd need to venture into previously un-charted milk/coffee mixing territory.
Filling my cup to about the 3/4 mark with the Black Death, I then proceeded to add the lightening agent.
A taste...gag!
I poured some of the foulness out and re-poured more milk.
Sunshine.
I had finally found the right mixture. Bliss...caffeine bliss and gorgeousness.
Wide awake I set out to share my harrowing tale with the rest of the office so that others may learn from it.
---
Epilogue - I do not care to have coffee every morning, I'm fine with my bottle of water. Some rare days I do need it, and those times are dark and bitter indeed. However, I do have the same coffee maker at home and a good rule of thumb to pass around is "however many cups you are making, use one less tablespoon of ground coffee". For example, 10 cups of water - 9 tablespoons ground coffee. This generally makes a very nice pot.
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